Things that make you wonder???

Things that make you wonder...

- Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

- If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they
call it Fed UP?

- Does fuzzy logic tickle?

- If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would
they charge it with battery?

- I believe five out of four people have trouble
with fractions.

- How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

- I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem.

- If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is),
then what exactly, is a fog horn made out of?

- If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool
came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

- Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

- I believe the only time the world beats a path to my
door is when I'm in the bathroom.

- Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

- What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses
of bald men?

- If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to
to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

- Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee"
on money they already know you don't have?

- How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't
grow in it?

- Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

- Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of a bottle?

- Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

- What do little birdies see when they get knocked
unconscious?

- Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

- Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a
travel agent?

- Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

- Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Things that make you go hmm...?

Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we every know?

If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is whack?

Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ballgame" when we are already there?

Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

Why is it called "after dark" when it is really "after light"?

Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

Why is phonics not spelled like it sounds?

If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

Why is bra singular and panties plural?

Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why doesn't the glue stick to the inside of a bottle?

Why do they call it a TV set, when you only get one?

ooooh I want one of these on Mothers day:)

Joke of the Day

That Darn Cat

There was this cat who loved to get drunk, who went to the bar on the other side of the tracks.

He stayed all night long and got so wasted he could barely stand up, much less walk.

The cat starts to stumble on home. As the cat comes to the train tracks, he doesn't notice a train coming down the tracks.

As he started to cross the tracks, the train zoomed by, and cut off his tail. The cat turned it's head to see the damage, got his head stuck into the side of a speeding box car, and is instantly decapitated.

The moral of the story — don't lose your head over a piece of tail!

Mom Knows Best....

Well this weekend, my daughter wanted to go to this camp thing, which would have been overnight. Well she has been known to call in the wee hours of the morning wanting me or my husband to pick her up.. Well usually this is not a problem, except for this camp is an hour away. So anyway, we decided not to let her go. Fast forward to last night, when my husband called and said that they were spending the night at his mom's house and daughter was going to stay the night at her cousins house. Well lo and behold she calls almost at 1 am , saying that it is too quiet and her stomach hurts. So hubby picked her up..

They are home now, but daughter is asleep cause this past weekend, she has not had much sleep.

Joke of the Day

Sobriety Test

A man got pulled over by a cop because he was weaving in and out of the lanes. The cop got out of his car and asked the driver to blow in a breath-analyzer tube to check his alcohol level.
"Oh, no," the driver said. "I can't do that. If I do that, I'll have an asthma attack and die."
"OK," said the officer, "let's go down to the station and you can pee in a cup to check your alcohol level."
"Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a diabetic and if I pee my blood sugar level will go down so low that I might die."
"Fine then. Let's go to the station and take a blood test to check your alcohol level."
"Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a hemophiliac and I'll never stop bleeding if you draw my blood.
"All right then, just step outside your car and walk this white line for me."
"Oh, no, I can't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."

Oh almost forgot

Today is officially April 1, which means April Fools day:)

Today was a peaceful day:)

Well today was quite peaceful. Hubby took the kids up to his mom's house in Pennsylvania. I was going to go, but I forgot that me and a couple of people from my algebra class wanted to have a little study group today. So I stayed home and I also did my one project in Algebra. Right now I have a 95% in the class. That is awesome but at the same time, this class makes me want to pull my hair out.

But anyway, with just me in the house, it was very quiet. No fussing about who is going to watch tv or play a game. They were supposed to come home this evening, but they decided to stay the night. They have to be back here early enough tomorrow, so hubby can go to work.

So what have I accomplished..

Well besides working on some algebra stuff, NOTHING , Nada, lol Played a lil lazy today... Oh well I deserve it.

Runaway bride inspires recruitment ad

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. - Jennifer Wilbanks, the bride-to-be who skipped town just days before her planned wedding in Georgia, has a new starring role in New Mexico — as the inspiration for a police recruiting billboard.

The Albuquerque Police Department plans to unveil the ad on 10 digital billboards across the city next week, the Albuquerque Journal reported Thursday.

"Running away from your current job? Call APD recruiting," the ad reads, above a photo of Officer Trish Hoffman grabbing the veil of a bride, adorned in gown and running shoes.

Hoffman got national attention two years ago after Wilbanks landed in Albuquerque claiming she had been abducted before she was set to marry. Photos of Hoffman leading Wilbanks through the airport with a blanket over the runaway bride's head appeared on televisions and in newspapers across the country.

Now, Hoffman will be on billboards.

"I am sure I am going to get some harassment," she told the newspaper.

The ad will be up for a month at a cost of $16,000. Depending on the response, the department may incorporate it into fliers, posters and possibly TV ads.

"The runaway bride is one of those stories that people across the nation still talk about," said Police Chief Ray Schultz. "We hope we can capitalize off of that."

The department currently has fewer than 1,000 officers and is trying to build the force to 1,100 by this summer.

Recipe for a Military Spouse

1 1/2 cups Patience

1 lb. Adaptability

3/4 cup Tolerance

1 tsp. Courage

A Dash of Adventure

Combine above ingredients: Add 2 tablespoons elbow grease. Let sit alone for one year. Marinate frequently with salty tears. Pour off excess fat. Sprinkle lightly with money. "Knead" dough until payday. Season with international spices. Bake 20 years or until done.....

Dedicated.....to military wives everywhere, who have waved "good-bye: more often than not, who have heated up more dinners than most wives cook, who have missed more anniversaries, birthdays, Christmases and Valentine's Days than they should have, and most important of all have welcomed their husbands home GLADLY

Ok, lol forget about DIsney

We can just go to the Target website and buy this thing for almost 6 grand.. They got to be kidding. Let me just go in my change jar and see if I have that much.. lol

Here is the link

They Say that Anna Nicole Smith's Death was an accidental overdose.

Click Here for the story.

But from what I am hearing around, things could change, but at the moment it is ruled an accidental overdose, and the Seminole Police Department basically said case closed. But is it really??

Only time will tell..

Anna Nicole
RIP

I hate algebra

I just started my new term here at school and one of the classes I have to take is algebra. Now I know why my mom told me not to call her for help, cause she hates it. I got my book a week before classes started and looking through it was like looking at a foreign book. Well I am almost through my first week in the class and I am still confused. I tell you one thing, I would take just a plain 1+1 type of math any time of the day.

I already did a quiz and a project and as of right now, my grade for the class is a 93. something. My goal is to keep the grade over 93, and that way i can still maintain my over all 4.0 and still stay on the Presidents List... I can only hope:)

OMG Check out this search engine:)

I found it very hillarious. You type in something and this lady gives some funny comments..



Click here to see the search engine

This just ruins it all.

So lately me and my husband have been watching this one station called HGTV. Well it is basically a home and garden show. Well they have this one program called "House Hunters" This is where a couple or person is interested in buying a home. Well some real estate person shows them 3 houses, which they chose from.. Let me tell you, some of these episodes shows some really nice houses. So now hubby is on this kick, where he likes to go to open houses, and these are from building companies, so these are showcase houses. These houses we have seen are totally gorgeous and it just ruins it when we see regular older houses.. I wish that we would win the lottery.

A Prayer for my mom

Today she is going in for her yearly cancer check. It has been 10 years since she found out that she had lung cancer. At that time, she had some of her left lung removed and to this day she has been cancer free. Each year however, I get a little big anxious in waiting on what the outcome is. I will keep you informed of how it went and what the results of the test are.

10 Things I love

1. I love rainy days, that means it is a lazy day for me.

2. I love hugs

3. I love when I can wake up late

4. I love when I am driving, and my favorite songs come on

5. I love my family

6. I love the smell of my clothes when i dry them

7. I love to watch Fresh Prince of Belair

8. I love going to school

9. I love when my kids can behave for one moment

10. I love for everyone to be happy.

I am officially 38

As of today, I am officially 38. Just think in 2 years, I will be 40.. OMG.. Today would have been nice if my family (as in my kids and hubby) didn't need a phone call from my mom, to remind them that it was my birthday.. Gee do I always have to remind them.

To make up for it, they took me out to dinner and hubby bought me a dozen of long stemmed roses.. OH how sweet.. All in all today turned out to be wonderful and makes me realize that even though they forgot to say Happy Birthday in the morning, they still love me.

I can't believe another Term

If anyone didn't know, at the end of June, I enrolled in an online College. The school's name is Kaplan University. Now mind you , I have not really been to school since 1987 and that was when I graduated highs school. Back in 92, I went to a business school for a while (to study computers) but I had got really sick and was out for 2 weeks and at that time in my life, it was really hard to catch up, keep up with my work, then go to a job after school in order to pay rent.. So Guess what I gave up. So here I am at Kaplan. My courses this term is Software Applications and Effective writing 1.
Software class should be easy, but I don't know about the writing one. Well we shall see.

I found another thing to fix for dinner that my daughter loves

I am always looking on online recipe sites for different things to make for my family. Only person that is hard to cook for is my son, lol but that is for another post.. Well anyway, I found this one recipe that can be served over rice and it is so easy to make, put it in the crock pot and forget about it.. Below is the recipe.

Butter Beef

INGREDIENTS

• 3 pounds cubed beef stew meat
• 1/2 cup butter
• 1 (1 ounce) envelope dry onion soup mix

DIRECTIONS

1. Place the beef and butter into a slow cooker. Sprinkle the onion soup mix over. Cover, and cook on Low for 8 hours, or High for 4 to 5 hours. Stir once or twice.

This serves about 8