Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Things that make you wonder???

Things that make you wonder...

- Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

- If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they
call it Fed UP?

- Does fuzzy logic tickle?

- If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would
they charge it with battery?

- I believe five out of four people have trouble
with fractions.

- How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

- I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem.

- If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is),
then what exactly, is a fog horn made out of?

- If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool
came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

- Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

- I believe the only time the world beats a path to my
door is when I'm in the bathroom.

- Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

- What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses
of bald men?

- If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to
to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

- Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee"
on money they already know you don't have?

- How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't
grow in it?

- Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

- Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of a bottle?

- Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

- What do little birdies see when they get knocked

- Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

- Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a
travel agent?

- Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

- Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Things that make you go hmm...?

Things that make you go hmm...?

Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we every know?

If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is whack?

Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ballgame" when we are already there?

Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

Why is it called "after dark" when it is really "after light"?

Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

Why is phonics not spelled like it sounds?

If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

Why is bra singular and panties plural?

Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why doesn't the glue stick to the inside of a bottle?

Why do they call it a TV set, when you only get one?

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Monday, April 2, 2007

Joke of the Day

That Darn Cat

There was this cat who loved to get drunk, who went to the bar on the other side of the tracks.

He stayed all night long and got so wasted he could barely stand up, much less walk.

The cat starts to stumble on home. As the cat comes to the train tracks, he doesn't notice a train coming down the tracks.

As he started to cross the tracks, the train zoomed by, and cut off his tail. The cat turned it's head to see the damage, got his head stuck into the side of a speeding box car, and is instantly decapitated.

The moral of the story — don't lose your head over a piece of tail!

Sunday, April 1, 2007

Mom Knows Best....

Well this weekend, my daughter wanted to go to this camp thing, which would have been overnight. Well she has been known to call in the wee hours of the morning wanting me or my husband to pick her up.. Well usually this is not a problem, except for this camp is an hour away. So anyway, we decided not to let her go. Fast forward to last night, when my husband called and said that they were spending the night at his mom's house and daughter was going to stay the night at her cousins house. Well lo and behold she calls almost at 1 am , saying that it is too quiet and her stomach hurts. So hubby picked her up..

They are home now, but daughter is asleep cause this past weekend, she has not had much sleep.

Joke of the Day

Sobriety Test

A man got pulled over by a cop because he was weaving in and out of the lanes. The cop got out of his car and asked the driver to blow in a breath-analyzer tube to check his alcohol level.
"Oh, no," the driver said. "I can't do that. If I do that, I'll have an asthma attack and die."
"OK," said the officer, "let's go down to the station and you can pee in a cup to check your alcohol level."
"Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a diabetic and if I pee my blood sugar level will go down so low that I might die."
"Fine then. Let's go to the station and take a blood test to check your alcohol level."
"Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a hemophiliac and I'll never stop bleeding if you draw my blood.
"All right then, just step outside your car and walk this white line for me."
"Oh, no, I can't do that."
"Why not?"

"Because I'm drunk."

Oh almost forgot

Today is officially April 1, which means April Fools day:)